


Nightmares: Before and After

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel and prequel to Nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares: Before and After

OK, this is totally bizarre. I got my first season tapes yesterday, and REALLY enjoyed the ep CYPHER. I had always planned to write a missing scene for it, just because the ep was so good, even though I had never seen it. I was just going by what other people told me. Anyway, I'm working at the TV studio today, when this storyline pops into my head. AND IT WILL NOT GO AWAY!!! I lost the score I was supposed to be keeping three times because I kept getting distracted by Blair and Jim. So as soon as I got home I gave in and jumped on the computer. I typed basically nonstop from 4:30PM to midnight, and this is the result. Where this came from, I have no clue. And it hasn't been betaed, so if you see mistakes---tough toenails. This is the work of an insane person. And yes I know there have been umpteen fics written about CYPHER, so one more won't hurt right? This is called NIGHTMARES II: BEFORE AND AFTER. The before and after refer to before and after my other slash, NIGHTMARES. The before comes before, the after comes after, you get the picture. But you really don't need to read NIGHTMARES to enjoy this one. 

DISCLAIMER: OK, These characters, and the whole concept of "The Sentinel" are the property of Pet Fly productions, and UPN has something to do with it, too. They came up with the characters. They came up with the idea of heightened senses. This is their baby, not mine. I'm just baby-sitting for a little while. Um...OH! I didn't get paid for this. And I don't plan on paying anyone else to read this, so I guess no money will be changing hands. This is just for fun, for the loyal fans of The Sentinel, and especially for the members of BBA (Blair Bonkers Anonymous.) OK? OK. That oughta do it. I hope. Please don't send me to jail! Oh, and please don't give this to a fanzine or anything without asking me first. But feel free to pass it on to anyone on the internet! ** :-) 

## Nightmares II: Before and After

By MegaRed

BEFORE

"POLICE, FREEZE!!" 

Blair gasped for air, trying to spit out the rest of the foul tasting stuff Lash was forcing down his throat. He stifled a cough as he arched his head back toward the sound of a voice on the stairs behind him. A voice he'd been hoping, praying to hear ever since Lash had taken him. 

Lash was motionless, staring intently at Jim as the big detective made his way down the rickety staircase, mindful not to step in any of the multitude of burning candles scattered about. Jim was about to open his mouth to tell Lash to step away from Blair, when the ground fell out from under him. He fell, losing his gun, and saw Lash charging toward him, but more importantly, charging AWAY from Blair. The fight was on. 

*CRASH!!!* 

They fell for a long time. Jim braced himself for the impact, instinctively rolling in space so that Lash was beneath him. Hitting the floor knocked Jim for a loop, and he nearly lost consciousness. It would have been very easy in that moment to just let go and give in to the blackness. But then he heard Lash scramble to his feet, and he was filled with a determination that forced him to act. He had to stop Lash! He had to make sure that the psycho never did this to (Blair) anyone ever again. 

Blair strained against the chains that bound him to the dentist's chair, trying desperately to listen, to hear any sign that his best friend had survived the fall. *Oh, God, don't be dead, Jim!* he prayed. His head was spinning a little. What little of the drug he'd been forced to swallow was beginning to affect him. He looked around uneasily as the shapes of things in the room began to elongate and distort. Sounds became hollow and muffled. Was that a gunshot? More, more shots, lots more. Blair lost count after four. He sighed in relief. 

The relief was short lived. What if Lash was the shooter, and not the victim? *NO! No, it's not possible!* But his drugged mind was wreaking havoc with his judgment. Blair began to struggle. He had to get out. He had to get away! Lash could be coming back any second. HE HAD TO GET FREE! 

Jim stood over Lash's body for a long time, gazing in quiet hatred at the open, dead eyes of the man who had killed four people. *Almost five,* his brain reminded him. Suddenly Jim heard the sounds of struggling coming from above him, in the "Shrine" Lash had built to house his "friends." Then Jim remembered that the last thing he'd seen Lash doing was forcing something down his friend's throat. Horrified, he charged up the stairs three at a time, heading toward the straining sounds which were increasing in strength. The sounds were now joined by another; Blair screaming in frustration. 

"COME OOOOONNNNNNNN!!!!" Blair wailed as he strained against the shackles on his wrists. He could feel the sting as his skin was flayed off by the metal, but he didn't care. If he'd had the means, he would've cut his hands off to get loose. All he knew was, he had to get out of there, and NOW!!! "AAAUUUUGH! G DAMMIT!!!!" He fell back against the chair exhausted, feeling his heart thundering in his chest. He couldn't breathe, he could feel his body being overcome by panic. A strange, black fog was slowly surrounding him, and Blair gave himself over to it gladly; anything would be better than having to face Lash again. He was oblivious to the large figure that came charging into the shrine a minute later. 

"SANDBURG!!!" Oh God, he was dead. Jim stared in horror at the limp, seemingly lifeless form chained in the chair. He looked so small, so helpless. Jim crossed the room in two strides and stood over his friend, his Guide, the one person that meant more to him than anything. Then his Sentinel ears picked up Blair's heartbeat, and he gave a sigh of relief. Carefully, Jim reached out a hand to touch Sandburg's chest, and he winced at the feel of the heart pounding like a jackhammer beneath the thin fabric. "Blair? Blair, wake up." Jim pried one of the young man's eyelids open, and studied the pupil. Drugged, it looked like. Jim began to look around for something to use to free his young friend from the chains, when he heard it; rather, he ceased hearing it. Blair stopped breathing. 

"NO!" Jim leaned over the small form. "Blair! BLAIR!" Jim quickly pressed an ear to the kid's chest, trying to listen for blockage in his lungs, anything that would cause him to stop breathing. "C'mon, kid, stay with me, here!" Jim shook him, none too gently. No reaction. As best he could, he straightened Blair's airway, pinched his nose shut, and breathed air from his own lungs into his partner's. Jim listened. Nothing. It was awkward, with Blair's position in the chair, but Jim didn't want to take time to look for cutters. Again, he sealed his lips over Blair's and exhaled, listening for a response. This time, Jim was rewarded by a small gasp from his friend. After a moment, the kid began to breathe more regularly, and Jim nearly collapsed. He was overcome with relief and....what? 

Jim stared at Blair's face as an odd feeling washed over him. He didn't quite know what to think, but suddenly he was filled with the need, the desperate need to see that Blair was never hurt again. That was impossible, Jim knew. But still....what the hell was this feeling all about? Had Jim hit his head harder than he thought during that fall? He had the sudden overwhelming urge to.... 

Jim leaned over his partner. Blair was just coming around. Jim lowered his head toward Blair's as if to breathe into his lungs again. Instead, he gently, very gently, kissed the corner of Blair's slightly-open mouth. The mysterious feeling sorted itself out in the exact same instant, and Jim smiled for the first time in what seemed like days. 

He loved Blair. 

*There now, that wasn't so hard, was it?* an inner voice muttered to the detective. "No," Jim whispered, to no one in particular. "Not at all. One of the easiest things I have ever done." He smiled as Blair slowly opened his eyes, and began to look around. Then the kid's eyes went wide with fear. 

"NONONONONONOOOOO!!!!" Still trapped in his state of terror, Blair began to thrash around, trying to keep Lash away from him. "Get AWAYYY! NOOOOOOO, G PLEASE, SOMEB Y HELP ME!!!!" Hands were grabbing him, restraining him. Blair's struggles increased, and he could feel the blood running from his wrists and soaking the cuffs of his pants as the shackles ripped his flesh. The hands were strong; they held him down. Blair was just about to go off the deep end, when he heard a familiar voice, pulling him back. 

"Easy Chief! Whoa, shhhhhhh, easy now. It's OK! It's Jim!" Jim restrained his hysterical young friend as gently as he could, lovingly stroking his forehead. He softly kissed Blair again, trying to calm him down. 

Blair's struggles slowly ebbed, as he realized it was his friend and not some psychopath that was holding him, caressing him, kissing him...huh? His head snapped around as Jim lips left his. Kind blue eyes gazed into his own, full of concern and...love. "Jim?" His voice was ragged, from screaming. "Jim, what...what...what happened?" Blair's face was one big question mark with big blue eyes. 

Ellison smiled, and tenderly brushed the sweat-matted hair back from Blair's forehead. "You OK?" he asked. Blair looked a little shocked. Jim was suddenly uncomfortable, wondering if he'd gone to far. But Blair had to know. He had to tell the kid what he'd suddenly realized. What he guessed he'd really known all along, somehow. Jim loved him. "Blair, I..." Jim began. 

"You found me...," Blair's voice was barely more than a whisper. "I can't believe you found me..." Blair's voice began to shake as emotions began to take over. 

Jim quickly wrapped his arms around Blair's upper body, drawing the curl-covered head against his chest. "Of course...of course I did." Jim closed his eyes as he whispered into the curls. "How could you think any differently?" He felt Blair sigh, and settle against him. "As long as I was still breathing, I would've found you. Nothing could've stopped me." Jim began to gently rub the back of Blair's head as he felt the young man breaking down. 

"Oh, God Jim. I thought I was...that Lash would...that...you...." Blair couldn't speak any more. The tears he had been pushing down since he'd become Lash's prisoner broke through and spilled over his cheeks. He began to sob. Terrible, heart-wrenching sobs that echoed through the warehouse. He was vaguely aware that Jim had tightened his hold on him, and was rocking him. 

"Shhh....it's OK. It's over." Jim cradled his precious one as he felt tears soaking his shirt front. Jim was close to tears himself, as the realization of what could have happened slowly sank in. "He's gone, Blair.... You're safe....I've got you....I've got you." A memory of that psycho standing over Blair, pouring that stuff into him, flickered across Jim's mind. Convulsively, he pulled Blair tighter into his embrace. "You're safe. ...you're all right...you're OK." Jim was trying to convince himself of the fact as much as Blair, as the young man continued to sob into his shirt. 

Blair let himself go. He willingly handed himself over to Jim, trusting his friend and partner with all his heart. Jim had come through for him again, showing up just in time to save him. All the fear, the hopelessness, the belief that he would die alone at the hands of a madman poured out through his tears. Blair cried for a very long time, slowly slipping into exhaustion. At last, his cheek chapped from the wet fabric of Jim's shirt, Blair finally got under control. He managed a weak, shaky little smile as Jim drew back to gaze down at him. The detective slowly brought his face down to Blair's, but then hesitated. Blair finished the motion for him, reaching up as best he could despite the chains, to press his lips to Jim's. "Thank you," Blair managed softly. 

"All these times you've saved my life, and I don't think I ever once said that." He sniffled. 

Jim gently ran the back of his knuckles across Blair's face, wiping away some of the moisture. Then he framed Blair's face with his hands and lowered his head to press his forehead to Blair's. He stayed that way for a long moment, gently nuzzling the tear-stained little face, before replying softly, "You're welcome, Chief." They were both quiet for a moment. Then Jim sighed, and said softly. "Blair...I have to find some cutters." 

Blair realized he had a vise-like grip on the front of Jim's shirt, and sheepishly let go. But then as Jim began to move away, Blair's hand shot out to clutch at his arm. Blair was embarrassed, and looked up to apologize. He was interrupted by another soft kiss to his brow. After a final reassuring nod from his savior, Blair released his arm and watched as Jim carefully searched the room for something to use to free him. There didn't seem to be anything around, so Jim turned to head through the doorway to the next room. Blair sat up, alarmed at the thought of Jim moving out of his sight. A little sound, almost a whimper, left his throat. 

Jim's head snapped around at the sound, and he quickly came back to Blair's side, taking hold of the desperate hands that groped toward him. "It' s Ok, Blair. I'm not gonna leave you. I just need to look in the other room for a minute." Jim's heart clenched at the terror in his Guide's beautiful eyes. *Christ, I may never be able to leave him alone again!* A kiss or two of reassurance, and Blair reluctantly freed Jim's hands. Jim moved backwards toward the door, trying to keep eye contact with Blair as long as he could. Then, at last, he turned and moved through the door, trying not to notice Blair's heartrate skyrocketing as he moved out of sight. "Blair, it's OK. I'm not going to leave you. I'm looking around now, just inside the door. I can hear you breathing, that's how close I am. Don't be afraid." Jim kept up the running commentary as he searched the room, and finally found what he was looking for. 

Blair's heart pounded. He could hear Jim's voice just out of his line of vision, but what was taking so long? He tested the chains again, to see if they'd loosened any during his previous struggles. Not a bit, he was still bound fast. Trapped. He was trapped!! Blair shook himself, trying to fight the slow press of panic he could feel coming up on him again. Easy, easy. Slow breaths. That's it, good. Blair closed his eyes, allowing his exhaustion and deep breathing to lull him into a relaxed state. He was almost asleep, when.... 

*CLANK!!!* 

Blair nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of metal on metal, and the feeling of tugging at his throbbing wrists. His breath came in short gasps as he looked around, close to panic. Then Jim had his face in his big hands again, talking to him. 

"Shhh....Everything's OK." Jim looked sadly into the frightened eyes that met his. "I'm sorry, I thought I could get you loose without waking you. I'm sorry I scared you, baby." Jim felt awful. The kid's heart was pounding almost as hard as it had been before, when Jim first got to him. After a few comforting words, with a quick kiss to punctuate, Blair calmed down and allowed Jim to continue. Jim carefully fastened the cutters around the shackles on each of Blair's wrists, and deftly snipped them through. The chains fell, and Jim winced at the deep bloody grooves that ringed Blair's thin wrists. Jim followed suit with the shackles around Blair's ankles, and then carefully removed the yellow gag that was still hanging loosely around Blair's neck. He ripped the fabric in two, and used the pieces to wrap his friend's wrists. "Is that too tight?" he asked. 

Blair shook his head numbly, staring at the blood smeared on his lower arms. What had possessed him to do that to himself? What could he have been thinking, to imagine he could break through solid iron chains? He watched as Jim discarded the chains, and pulled out his cell phone. 

"Simon? This is Jim...I've found him." Blair laid back in the chair in exhaustion and watched as Jim placed the call. The detective's face paled a bit, then he replied to Simon, "NO, Simon...ALIVE!" Blair caught Jim's eyes for a moment, and smiled weakly at the big man. Blair's eyes fluttered closed. He would have to tell Jim about the Blessed Protector belief. He heard Jim ask Simon to send an ambulance, and then describe briefly what had happened. Blair sighed in relief as Jim told the part about shooting Lash five times. One bullet could possibly be survived, but not five. Or could it? Blair's eyes shot open. What if Lash was wearing a vest? His heart began to pound again. 

"OK, Simon, see you at the hospital!" Jim hung up and turned to smile at Blair, to tell him that everything was taken care of. But the smile died as he saw the look of fear on Blair's face again. Quickly he came and bent over the young man. "Blair? Blair, what is it?" 

Blair just stared up at him, breathing hard, trying to form words. *Did you check his pulse? Did you make SURE?* He couldn't speak. If Jim hadn' t made absolutely sure that Lash was dead, Blair didn't want to know. He continued to gasp. 

"Blair.... shhh. What's wrong?" Jim took hold of his shoulders now, holding him steady so he could look into his eyes. "What, baby?" he asked softly, full of concern. 

Blair finally found his voice...sort of. "P...p...pulse! Did you ch...ch...check Lash's p...pulse?" He could hardly get the words out. His heart fell when he saw the look of regret falling over Jim's face. "Oh, JIM!" Blair covered his head in his arms, trying to block out the belief that Lash was still alive. 

"Blair, Blair listen to me. He's dead. I shot him five times, in the chest." Jim was trying to pry the kid's arms lose, to get Blair to look at him, to believe him. "It's over, Blair." Blair shook his head. Jim sighed. They were both silent for a moment, then Jim asked softly, "Do you want to see for yourself?" 

Blair froze. Did he? He slowly raised his head to meet Jim's eyes. Did he really want to see that bastard's face again? No, not by a long shot! But he knew that if he didn't go with Jim, if he didn't see for himself that Lash was dead, he'd never be able to go on with his life. Slowly, he nodded. 

Jim sighed, "All right Chief." He stood up and offered a hand to Blair. Blair took his hand and struggled up out of the chair. 

He was out of the chair! Blair wavered a little as the realization flooded him. He was out of the chair! He was free! He was going home, with the man he loved. Blair regained his balance as Jim kept hold of his arm, steadying him. As Jim began to lead him toward the stairs that led to the lower level, Blair looked back over his shoulder. He looked at the shrine, the candles, the "friends", and shuddered. 

Jim felt the shudder, and put his arm around Blair's shoulders, leading him to the top of the stairs. "Watch where you're going, now," he muttered. It was partly to keep his Guide from falling down the stairs, but mostly to tear his gaze away from Lash's handiwork. The sooner Blair could put this all behind him, the better. Carefully, they made their way down to the level where Jim had finished Lash. At the bottom step, Jim paused to put his hands on Blair's shoulders again. "You ready for this?" he asked softly, gazing evenly into the wide blue eyes. 

Blair was still for a moment, then he took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes. I'm ready." He followed as Jim lead him by the hand through the rubble. It was tricky going; there was wreckage everywhere. At one point, Jim had to reach down and lift Blair up and over a particularly large chunk of debris. Jim figured on a good day Blair could have vaulted over with no problem. But this hadn't been a good day, he thought, rounding the corner to the spot where Lash had dropped. He froze. The day was about to get worse. 

Lash's body was gone. 

Jim stared in horror. Was this the spot? Yes, he was sure of it! He quickly scanned the area with his Sentinel eyes, and saw smears of fresh blood there. This was where Lash's body had been! Jim felt his heart beginning to pound in horror. *So where is he NOW?!* 

"Jim." 

The voice was so small, so quiet, that at first Jim thought he'd imagined it. Then, he saw that Blair was no longer beside him. Jim followed his friend's heartbeat around another corner, wondering how in the hell he was going to tell Blair the news. That it might not be over after all. He froze as he came around the corner and found his partner...and Lash. 

The psycho's body was sprawled facedown on a pile of old plywood, blood oozing from underneath to drip along the boards. Blair was standing, gazing idly at the corpse. He didn't notice as Jim slipped up behind him, sighing in abject relief at the sight of the body. Purposefully, Blair knelt and pressed his fingers to the side of Lash's neck. After a moment, he nodded in satisfaction and sat back on his heels. "You were right," he said without looking at Jim. "He's dead." He sighed, and shivered a little. "Guess I really am paranoid, huh?" 

Jim was trying to get his own heart started again. Blair had been right, Lash wasn't dead when Jim left him. Somehow the psycho had survived the hail of bullets long enough to crawl to this spot before dying. Jim's head was spinning with the possibilities. Lash could've escaped. It could've all started again. He had to lean against a support column for a moment, not sure if his legs would hold him. He watched as Blair slowly stood, still gazing down at the body. *I can never tell him,* Jim thought. *Never.* He took a deep, revitalizing breath and came to stand at Blair's shoulder. "You ready to go home now, Chief?" Jim asked. 

"Soon," Blair replied softly. He was still staring down at the body. Then, before Jim knew what he was doing, Blair reached out with one foot and turned Lash's corpse over onto its back. The young man gasped. 

Lash was smiling, dead eyes wide and staring. They seemed to look straight into Blair's soul. *I CAN BE YOU!!!* 

Blair stumbled backwards, trying to put space between himself and that leering grin. Jim snagged his arm and kept him from falling. Blair sagged against him, hysterical tears welling up again. "Oh God... Jim...get me out of here," he begged, as his legs began to buckle. 

Jim grabbed Blair and quickly scooped him up in his arms, turning to run toward the exit. Blair wrapped his arms around Jim's neck and buried his face in his shoulder, but he couldn't get away from that face...that smile.... *I CAN BE YOU!!!* Blair squeezed his eyes shut and clung to his Blessed Protector, listening to the strong sound of Jim's breathing next to his ear as he ran, carrying him out of the warehouse. The night air hit Blair like a cold fist, and he gasped. He heard sirens, and realized the ambulance was arriving. Then that smile flashed through his mind again. He didn't remember anything after that. 

Jim dropped to his knees, still cradling his Guide in his arms. Blair had blacked out, and Jim was relieved to see the ambulance pulling up, at last. He knelt there as the medics got their gear together and headed his way. Even though Blair was light, Jim's arms were screaming in protest. Those muscles had been through a lot tonight! But Jim couldn't bring himself to put Blair down. It was crazy, he knew it. But somehow he felt that if he let go, it wouldn't be real. He'd wake up and Blair would still be missing. 

"Sir? Here, sir let us take care of him for you, now," said a woman's voice. Jim looked up to see a medic there, with a few others, waiting with a stretcher. With help from one of the ambulance technicians, Jim struggled to his feet and, after much hesitation gently laid Blair out on the stretcher. He allowed himself to be pushed back as they began to fuss over the young man, checking his vitals. Jim flinched as one of the medics dabbed at a cut on his temple with an iodine swab. But he never took his eyes off Blair. 

They were wheeling the stretcher toward the ambulance, Jim following, when Blair suddenly gasped and opened his eyes. The young man tried to sit up, looking in every direction at once, eyes wide with fright. Then his gaze settled on Jim, and he slowly laid back down. He didn't object as one of the medics took his arm and sedated him. 

Blair welcomed the chemical, actually. Maybe it would provide an escape from...that face. He closed his eyes as the stretcher bumped over the uneven ground. Then he was lifted, and loaded into the back of the ambulance. He heard a brief conversation, and an argument including Jim's voice, loud. He opened his eyes just in time to see his partner climbing in to sit by his side. Blair grinned at the gruff look on Jim's beautiful face. God how he loved this man. 

"Hey Chief," Jim said softly, smiling down at him. "It's gonna be a little crowded on the way to the hospital. They said there wasn't room for me to come with you, but I persuaded them." 

"Uh oh. You being a bully, detective?" Blair's voice was becoming slurred. His eyes drifted shut again. 

"Maybe." Jim's eyes shone as he gazed down at his Guide. "You got a problem with that?" 

Blair smiled, and sleepily shook his head, feeling the affect of the sedative running through him. "Nope," he chirped. 

Jim smiled as a wave of love washed over him. He leaned down and lightly pressed his lips to Blair's forehead. When he tried to sit back up, Blair's hand came from under the sheet to grip his shirtfront. Jim looked down questioningly as Blair opened his eyes to stare up at him. "What's wrong Chief?" Jim asked. 

Blair was quiet for a long moment, just studying Jim's face. Then he pulled Jim down even closer and whispered in his ear, "I love you." 

Jim felt his eyes begin to burn. God, no one had said that to him since... He banished the memories, and instead stroked Blair's brow. "You too, Blair," he whispered. 

Blair closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, still holding Jim's shirt. Jim sat back as best he could without stretching his shirt, keeping his hand on Blair's head. He swore he could actually feel the love that was flowing back and forth between Sentinel and Guide. Jim closed his eyes. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad day after all.   
  


* * *

  
AFTER  


Jim breathed deeply, and the scent of eggs crawled up through his nasal passages. *Guess Blair's up,* he thought. Jim kept his eyes closed, wanting to remain in the slightly fuzzy, warm state of the midpoint between sleep and wakefulness. But the other side of the bed was uncharacteristically cold and empty, and lounging in bed wasn't nearly as much fun alone. With a sigh, Jim sat up, and quickly found a pair of boxers to put on. How they had gotten wedged between the boxspring and the mattress, he couldn't say. Sandburg must have been up to his usual "Bedroom Acrobatics" last night. Although for the life of him, Jim couldn't remember any of it. 

He finished pulling on the shorts and went down the stairs. Blair was standing on the balcony, looking out at the water. Jim grinned at the sight of the slim figure standing there, shirtless, with his back to Jim. *This is the perfect setup for an Ellison sneak attack!* he thought. But no, Blair would have to go to class. But tonight....heh heh heh. Blair was all his. "Morning Chief!" Jim called as he went into the kitchen to grab some coffee. 

"Hey, Jim," came the voice from the balcony. 

Jim finished chugging the cup of coffee and frowned at the voice. Blair sounded...weird. Upset? Maybe. Jim sighed, putting his mug in the sink. Blair hadn't been sleeping well, since the incident with Lash. No doubt the kid was out there right now, trying to shake off the remains of a night riddled with visions of that psychopath's face, the smile that had been plastered on Lash's corpse when they'd found it. Jim came up behind Blair, sliding his arms around his love's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. "Y'OK Chief?" he asked, kissing Blair's ear. He grinned as Blair leaned back into him. 

"Mmmm...fine now, man!" Blair murmured. 

"Glad to hear it," Jim responded, blowing into Blair's ear. *Keep this up and you'll BOTH be late for work!* he thought. But he couldn't resist. Jim moved one hand from Blair's waist, and began to run his fingertips up and down Blair's belly. He was rewarded with a groan, and Blair's arms reached up and back to grab Ellison's skull. Jim snuggled down into the arms, nuzzling the back of Blair's neck, as his fingers continued to stroke his lover's stomach. "Boy are you easy, Chief," Ellison chuckled. 

"Am not," Blair giggled. "I can stop this anytime I want to." 

Jim recognized the challenge. "Oh realllllllllllyyyyy...." he said slyly. "You mean it doesn't bother you at all when I do this?" He put his other hand to work now as well, letting all his fingers glide over the smooth skin and muscles of Blair's midriff. "That doesn't bother you at all, Blair? Amazing." Jim was trying not to laugh. It seemed as though Blair could barely keep his legs under him. 

"Not at....ohhhhh....all, man. But you're gonna have to let go of me so I can go to the University." Blair's voice was husky with arousal. 

Jim smiled, and stopped the motion of his hands. "OK, baby. But we finish this tonight, got it?" he kissed the top of Blair's head, and made a face. "Hey, did you change shampoos?" 

Blair ignored the question, still staring out at the bay. "Tonight's no good, man," he said. "There's a reception for the new exchange students, and I'm supposed to be there." 

Jim frowned. "Aaaahh, what do you want to go to that for?" 

Blair chuckled. "You should come with me Jim. It's a great way to meet new people!" 

Jim shook his head, repositioning his arms around Blair's waist. "That's not my thing, Chief, you know that. I've never been into meeting new people." He took hold of Blair's shoulders to turn him around. "Hey, I haven't had my morning kiss yet, by the way." 

Blair was laughing quietly as he turned to face Jim. "Why don't you like meeting new people? Friends are like, REALLY easy to make dude!" 

Jim stepped back in horror. The body was Blair's. The hair was Blair's. The voice was Blair's. But the face he'd been about to kiss wasn't Blair's. 

It was Lash's! 

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" 

"Jim! Jim, wake up!!!" 

"Noooo, oh God please nooooo!!!!" Jim wailed. Blair was dead. Lash had killed him and taken his place. Jim had failed, he hadn't gotten there in time. His Blair was gone. "Oh, Blairrrrrr!!" 

Blair was up on his knees, frantically shaking the thrashing figure in the bed beside him. He'd almost jumped clear out of his skin when Jim had screamed. Now he was filled with a different kind of fear. Fear for Jim's sanity. Those screams were inhuman! "Jim, please! Wake up man!" In desperation, he slapped Jim across the face. 

"Ungh!" Jim grunted and recoiled as something hit him. Had Lash hit him? Wait a minute, hadn't he been on the balcony? Now he was in bed. What the? Jim sat up and looked around slowly, trying to get his bearings. Someone was breathing heavily next to him, and he turned and saw..."Blair..." Jim just stared for a moment, as the last traces of the nightmare at last began to fade. 

Blair was staring at Jim, wide blue eyes holding a mountain of concern. "Jim, are you OK? Man that must have been some nightm...." 

The rest of Blair's sentence was lost as Jim grabbed him and pulled him roughly into his arms. Blair could feel the big man's heart pounding against him as Jim held onto him. Then a sound Blair never thought he would hear reached his ears. Jim was crying. 

Jim held onto Blair like he was a life preserver. Well, he was, in a way. Jim couldn't live without his young Guide and lover. They belonged together, like two halves of a whole. The dream had nearly caused Jim to have a nervous collapse, it had been so vivid. He thought Blair was gone, another victim of the psycho. But Blair was here, safe. Blair was alive and well, and looking at him with such love and concern, it just wrenched Jim's heart. 

Blair stayed still as Jim continued to cling to him, sobbing. Blair was frightened. Not for himself, no never. Jim would rather cut off his own arm than hurt him. It was just that...he'd never seen Jim like this. He didn't know what to do. "Jim.... Jim, what should I do?" he asked helplessly. 

Jim's sobs began to die down, his breathing slowing to something close to normal. He wasn't really ready to speak, but Blair's question needed an answer. Jim spoke softly, voice cracking with emotion. "Nothing baby, you don't have to do anything. Just let me hold you for a little while, OK?" Speaking was a mistake, it got his throat started again, which in turn let the tears through again. 

Blair stayed still for a few minutes more, then carefully disentangled himself from Jim's arms and got back up in a kneeling position in front of him. The big man reluctantly released his love, and then hung his head in embarrassment. Blair studied him for a moment, getting a little teary himself over seeing the man he loved in such a state. Awkwardly, he reached a hand out to cup Jim's cheek, lifting the big head so he could look Jim in the eye. "Jim, tell me about it," he said. 

Jim shook his head. "It's not anything I would want to share, Blair. Especially not with you." He looked up in time to see a look of intense hurt cross the sweet features of his partner. Jim suddenly realized what he'd said. "Oh no, Blair! I didn't mean that the way it came out!" He reached out with both hands to cup Blair's face, and pulled him in for a kiss. "I just mean, it'll upset you too much." Jim sighed, and stroked Blair's jawline as the young man studied him. 

"Jim, come on. I tell you my nightmares all the time!" Blair was still hurt that Jim wouldn't share this with him. "It always makes me feel better to talk to you about them! Don't you think it'll do the same for you?" Blair's eyes were pleading. He wanted so much to help Jim with this... thing. 

Jim stubbornly shook his head. "Blair, telling you won't make me feel better.... Well... it might. But since telling you will hurt you more than NOT telling you will hurt ME..." Jim paused, reviewing his last sentence. "Did that make sense?" he asked. 

Blair nodded. "Yeah. Perfect sense." He turned away and lay back down on the bed, facing away from Jim. "You don't think I can handle it." 

Jim sighed, "No...Dammit, that's not it. Well, maybe it is... I just don't want to scare you." 

Blair rolled over so fast he got tangled up in the sheets. As Jim freed him, the young man was sputtering with anger. "SCARE me? You don't want to SCARE me? Are you kidding?!!" Blair sat up, staring at Jim in disbelief. "Man, with what I've been through, you think any dream you had can scare me? That is RICH, my friend." He turned away again in disgust. "Fine, don't tell me. I don't care!" Blair's voice cracked on the last word. 

Jim sat still for a long time. Then he laid down, and laid still for a longer time. He could hear Blair's breathing, ragged and uneven, next to him. The kid wasn't crying, but he was upset. Something Carolyn had said to Jim right before their breakup came back to him, suddenly. 

"Jim," she had said, "You just don't get it. A relationship is two parts. TWO! Each part relies on the other for support, for understanding. If there's no trust, there's no relationship. Get it?" 

"Got it." Jim muttered. 

"Got what?" Blair mumbled from his side of the bed. 

Jim reached over and grabbed Blair by the shoulder. Blair shrugged away. Determined, Jim sat up and grabbed Blair by the waist. In one quick motion, he flipped his young friend over and toward himself. The next thing Blair knew, he was lying on his belly on top of Jim's chest. He struggled, but Jim had his arms tight around him; he couldn't move. 

"OK, Conan, spill it," Blair sighed. He knew he couldn't get away, so he went along with whatever Jim was planning. 

Jim looked up at Blair, smiling. 

"What?" Blair asked, irritated. 

Jim shook his head, still gazing at his love. "Sorry. I just forget some times just how beautiful you are. Just how much I adore you." Jim sighed, and ran his hand across Blair's back. 

"Sweet talk will get you nowhere," Blair countered, but he knew his heart was double crossing him. It was practically beating out in Morse code S-W-E-E-T- T-A-L-K- W-I-L-L G-E-T Y-O-U E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. 

Jim took a deep breath. "Blair, I'm going to tell you about the nightmare, but you've gotta promise me something," he said. 

"OK, what?" Blair asked. 

"If it gets to be too much for you, you tell me. Deal?" Jim raised his eyebrows. 

Blair thought about it, then nodded. 

Jim sighed. "OK, here we go..." 

Blair was staring down at Jim with an unreadable expression, for once. Jim studied his face, looking for...what. Fear? Disgust? Horror? He didn't see any of it. Then, as he watched, a slow wavery smile spread across Blair face, and the kid's eyes filled up. 

"God, Jim.... Oh, my God.... that's awful." Blair murmured down at his friend. "Is that really how you felt, when you thought I was gone?" He could barely get the sentence out, he was so moved. Jim still had him in a front facing bear hug on the bed. 

Jim was surprised. He had been expecting Blair to bail out at the first mention of Lash's name. Instead, he suddenly found himself presented with a gentle kiss to each eyelid, then to his lips. He looked up in surprise at the face inches from his own. "Chief? You're not, I mean, you don't feel.... This doesn't scare you?" Jim was incredulous. 

Blair seemed pensive as he spoke. "No, Jim. Your dreams don't scare me. Only mine do. And I don't think they will, anymore." He smiled radiantly. 

"Why not Chief?" Jim asked. 

Blair giggled. "Because mine are a walk in the park compared to THAT." 

Jim laughed. The vibrations in his chest started bouncing Blair around, which made both of them laugh harder. 

"Jim!" Blair gasped around his chortling. "Yo, Jim, cut it out man, you' re bruising my kidneys, here!" he was still laughing as Jim released him and rolled him off, back onto his side of the bed. Blair immediately snuggled against him, and Jim put his arm around him. Then suddenly, Jim looked around. 

"Sandburg, what time is it anyway?" He couldn't see the clock behind Blair's head, but it was pitch dark outside. 

Blair checked the glowing face of the clock behind him. "3 AM, man." He yawned, and drew back in surprise as Jim darted his tongue into his open mouth. "That's a good way to get your tongue bitten, man!" Blair scolded lightly. 

"Oh yeah?" Jim chuckled. "Prove it!" 

Blair sighed. "Oh man, come on! Can't we just get some sleep?" 

Jim looked down at him and smiled. "Sleep?" he pulled Blair closer and wrapped his arms around him. "That sounds even better." He smiled as Blair nestled into his arms. 

They were both asleep in ten seconds. Tonight, their dreams would be filled with visions of each other, and NOT of a psychopath who was dead and gone, and would never hurt them again. 

Either of them.   
  


* * *

Email the author with comments.  
Use your browser's back feature to return to your story selections or start a [new search](http://b-b-t.mit.edu/SXF/cgi-bin/senslash/storysearch.cgi).


End file.
